What is OK to Ask a Therapist?
Photo by Brett Jordan
Many people have misconceptions about therapy. They think therapy is basically having a “trained professional” analyze them, and the therapist sets boundaries to enforce a power dynamic. Not really. First of all, therapy is a collaborative endeavor between the therapist and the patient. Any tentative analysis made by the therapist is, more often than not, grist for the mill and not the final verdict. As for boundaries, they exist for pragmatic reasons and not because of a power play. While personal questions about the therapist may not be appropriate, many others are perfectly within bounds. Here are some examples:
Practice: It is OK to ask questions about the therapist’s clinical practice. Topics such as theoretical orientation, treatment modality, specialty, advanced training, etc., are common and welcome. Ask for examples if you prefer anecdotes to medical jargon.
Credentials: It is OK to ask questions about the therapist’s credentials. These may include the therapist’s educational institution, degree, license, certification, etc. You would not be putting the therapist on the spot, I assure you. At the very least, you would not be the first or the last person to do so.
Progress: It is OK to ask questions about your progress in therapy. In fact, many therapists initiate these conversations routinely so that both can remain focused on treatment priorities.
Common courtesy: The rules of common courtesy apply in every setting, including therapy. If your therapist sneezes, feel free to say Gesundheit. If your therapist cancels an appointment because of a death in the family, feel free to give your condolences. If your therapist shows up with an arm sling, feel free to express your concerns. Small acts of kindness are appreciated universally; it will be no different with your therapist.
In many ways, the relationship between a therapist and a patient is unique, unlike any other professional relationships that you might have. Nevertheless, it is a relationship and, as such, its health depends on communication. If you have a burning question but you don’t know if it’s appropriate, you may still ask. As long as you are cognizant of professional boundaries, any conversations that follow may still be beneficial. Chances are, even if the therapist does not give you the kind of answer you were hoping for, you may end up learning a lot about yourself and your collaborative work just because you asked.