What is Empathy?
Photo by Annie Spratt
In the movie The Descendants, the main character Matt King is going through a personal crisis. His wife and the mother of their two children is in a coma due to a boating accident. The prognosis is grave; in fact, the doctor advises him to take her off life support. As Matt wrestles with this decision, he learns that his wife was having an affair with another man and planning to file for divorce.
What do you think Matt does next? What would most people do in this situation?
Matt does something quite extraordinary — he decides to approach the other man to let him know about his wife, so this man can visit her at the hospital before the time runs out. Despite Matt’s own feelings of anger, betrayal, grief, and humiliation, he goes on to show compassion and kindness to a complete stranger who has caused him pain. Why does he do that?
Matt chooses to do the hard thing because, in his mind, there is a possibility that this man has real feelings for his wife. And if so, this man would be reeling from the loss and want a chance to say goodbye.
That is empathy.
Empathy is the ability to put oneself in other people’s shoes, to understand what they may be feeling or going through. Having similar experiences might help, but it is not a prerequisite. Think of the times you watch the news about natural disasters around the world — fires, floods, hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, volcano eruptions, etc. You may not have traveled to those places or witnessed the power of any of those forces, but you can empathize with those who are affected. You can imagine how difficult it must be to lose their homes, their communities, their livelihoods, even their loved ones. You can relate to their fear and anguish without much effort. All of a sudden, these strangers halfway around the world do not seem foreign. You tap into their pain; they linger on your mind. It can be an unexpectedly powerful experience.
Some people might consider empathy a bonus, something that is not absolutely necessary for survival. Perhaps. But, imagine what the world would be like if many people were lacking in empathy. It would likely be a colder world; and the people in it, more callous and unfriendly. That is not a world one seeks, nor the life one wants to live. Wouldn’t you agree?