Say Something, Please

Photo by Wynand van Poortvliet

Every so often, I hear patients complain about their partners like this: “We’ve been together for ten years! He should just know without me telling him!” Sound familiar? Maybe you have been known to say something similar once or twice?

It’s tricky, isn’t it? On the one hand, we want to be viewed as individuals who cannot possibly be figured out too quickly — unique, complex, one of a kind. On the other, we expect those close to us to pick up the nuances without fail and anticipate our every move. Oh, the double bind we put ourselves in. We may think that it is always better to not have to fill in the blanks when it comes to our loved ones. We may even feel entitled to a bit of “mind-reading” from them. But is it true that skipping that step is always better?

It would be, if any one of us actually remained static in life — no growth, no wisdom, no change. In that case, it would make perfect sense to anticipate the same thing from us over and over again. But we don’t remain static, do we? We expand, broaden, toughen, soften, dig deep. We even surprise ourselves from time to time. So, it’s no wonder we need to share our inner workings with others! Say something, please. Clue them in.