Saying the Right Thing
Photo by Krista Mangulsone
In the movie Bridget Jones’s Diary, the heroine Bridget has a knack for embarrassing herself in public. Just as you think she can not possibly “go there,” she makes a beeline for the worst kind of self-revelations. They are cringeworthy, to say the least. Bridget knows it too. She often catches herself as soon as she opens her mouth. However, by then the spotlight is on her and she has no choice but to muddle through what she has started.
Not many people can rival Bridget in the public humiliation department, but I am quite sure more than a few can empathize with her insecurity. Who does not wish to be unfailingly eloquent? To be able to say the right thing at the right time, every time? Why are some people so skilled at communication? What are their secrets?
I would suggest that we begin with qualities that appeal to us when others are communicating. Take Bridget, for example. She may be an “appallingly bad public speaker,” but she is quite effective in conveying her core message. Even when painfully (and hilariously) inarticulate, she says what she means. What she lacks in finesse, she makes up for with sincerity. Time and again, she is able to get into gear when her nerves have settled. Then she delivers a compelling speech with the right tone and tenor, more impressive than anybody would have imagined.
So the key to effective communication may be more than just saying the right thing the first time, or saying the right thing at the right time. The key may be getting the point across, period. For example, if you hurt someone’s feelings, apologize when you realize what you have done. If you regret not having been more assertive with a bully, hold your ground the next time. If you want to show support but do not know how, ask if anything you have offered in the past actually struck a cord with the recipient, so you may offer it once again. The upshot is, all of us learn to communicate better through practice, and to some degree, through trial and error. Rather than focusing on the timing, begin by crafting a clear message. In so doing, you can be sure that even if your message is not delivered with perfect timing, it will still be registered by the recipient. In fact, it may even open the door to future dialogue.